quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
