i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
this beer tastes like vomit already
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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