i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
