I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
