I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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