Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
