I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
