dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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