I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
