So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
