worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
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I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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