It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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