Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
