Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
True strength comes from lack of pants
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
