So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
