Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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