apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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