and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
