I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
