I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
