I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
