how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
