I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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