my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
