Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
