dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
