I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
