When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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