honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
