i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
