Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
