life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When are your genitals available?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
