He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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