If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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