im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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