hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
