Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
