You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
