Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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