We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize