Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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