I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
