just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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