dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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