idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
