last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
