We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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