please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
