Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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