Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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