1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
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As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize