I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
