fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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