Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
