this beer tastes like vomit already
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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