bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
