Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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