She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
