The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
