First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I intend to get homeless drunk
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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