i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
