and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
