More tranny stories later!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
