If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
