I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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