Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
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I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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