Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
