I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
