you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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