hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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